My Love-Shyness
& Asperger's BLOG
Five Nodes of Sexuality (in the brain)
While trying to fit love-shyness/male lesbianism into the broader picture of human sexuality, I believe I made a major discovery and am now writing a book based on the follow ideas.
The complexity of human sexuality extends to a variety of levels including chemical, biological, psychological and social. One avenue to study human sexuality is gathering scientific surveys of people expressing their sexual actions and then trying to correlate the people's sexualities into discrete typologies. I present the follow typology as a model of possible brain development in humans. Hopefully this model will lead to breakthroughs in the understanding of chemical and structural issues in the brain and more.
Neuroscientists have long studied the differences between male and female brains. Then scientists tried to detect subtler differences by looking in homosexuals' brains. Nothing conclusive, or at least generally agreed upon, has been found. I suggest these researchers are generally on the right track but used a wrong or incomplete model.
I propose that there are specific areas of the brain related to sexuality that must be either male or female in each individual with each area having certain basic functions. I call these areas “nodes”, and by describing these nodes I hope to provide neuroscientists a pattern to look for. Further investigation of these structures should elucidate how the brain creates thoughts. MOST SEXUAL ABNORMALITIES STEM FROM HAVING AT LEASE ONE OF THESE NODES OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER AS ONE'S BODY.
Given the physical sex organs and reproductive system, what mental structures are necessary for mating in any animal but in particular humans? The first requirement is having gender identity. Gender identity is more than looking down at your genitals and saying, "I'm male" or, "I'm female." Gender identity is feeling male or female. The existence of Gender Identity Disorder (transsexualism) proves gender identity as an innate mental construct rather than something fully due to socialization.
The second mental structure required for mating is sexual attraction. A person must be driven to find the opposite sex sexually attractive. This mental structure is separate from gender identity since some people, homosexuals, have the sexual attraction of the opposite gender as their bodies but do not have Gender Identity Disorder.
The third required mental structure relates to gender specific courtship rituals and motivations. The male is the active, aggressive participant while the female is the receptive, passive and submissive one. Generally the female puts herself on display and the male pursues her. Strongly related to courtship is intentions of monogamy and attachments of romance with sex. A stable home life for raising children seems to require monogamy. However, societal influences and availability of mating partners can also affect the courtship traits of both sexes.
This "Sexual Courtship Inclinations" appears also to be of the same type of mental structure as gender identity and sexual attraction in that it is either male or female and may be reversed in a small percentage of individuals. The homosexual communities best exemplify what happens if this mental structure is gender reversed. Both the gay male and lesbian communities classify individuals in their communities as either "masculine/butch" or "femme". In both sexes a butch has the male Sexual Courtship Inclinations, and a femme has the female version.
A femme gay man generally is overly romantic and overly feminine and wants monogamous relationships. A butch/masculine gay man is highly promiscuous and his most stable long term relationship may be an open (non-monogamous) relationship with another masculine gay. For both homosexual sexes the Sexual Courtship Inclinations may influence whether a person is usually the assertive "top" or the receptive "bottom" during sex.
This model implies the existence of heterosexual individuals with gender reversed Sexual Courtship Inclinations. Groups of these people, "aggressive women" and "passive men", have not been directly scientifically studied. Theoretically, a heterosexual woman with the male Sexual Courtship Inclinations will aggressively pursue men but will be inclined to not stay in monogamous relationships. Acting assertively rather than passively like her female competition, the aggressive female will usually win her man.
This courtship aggressiveness (likely somehow related to high testosterone) may spill over into other aspects of her life. Thus, this type of woman may also compete successfully in the workplace arena. Achieving both mating and career success, this type of woman is generally admired and her abnormality not questioned. Germaine Greer and Carla Bruni, who recently married the president of France, are likely examples of this aggressive heterosexual woman type. These outgoing women have both publicly stated their derision of the typical female romantic and monogamous inclinations.
The passive heterosexual male would have the most trouble with mating, because in a passive male-passive female interaction neither will make the first move and both will wait for the other to initiate. Passive males were studied by Gilmartin (1987) who found lifelong virginal men who seemed to possess the female version of Sexual Courtship Inclinations. These passive men were highly romantic, did not like rough and tumble play as children, and identified with certain female prerogatives. Gilmartin labeled the general condition "love-shyness".
However, the central problem love-shy sufferers complain about is overwhelming anxiety when approaching or meeting an attractive potential romantic partner. This anxiety is so strong that I label it a phobia. Gilmartin claims that love-shyness is based on shyness. While love-shyness appears to be a purely psychological phenomenon, Gilmartin claims a subset of his heterosexual male love-shy subjects seemed to have a more biological based issue he labeled "male lesbianism", and those who fall into this category seem to identify with the term. Thus, the only males with the female Sexual Courtship Inclinations who develop love-shyness are those who are shy.
There should be passive males (male lesbians) who are not shy and not crippled by love-shyness. Presumably these males mate successfully after some dating trial and error and after they force themselves to take a more aggressive role in courtship. Perhaps others classify these males as "femme heterosexuals". The recently popular term "metrosexual" is likely overly broad when referring to these men and more a part of cultural evolution.
Basic Nodes of Sexuality Table
Sexual
Attraction refers to the standard
attraction for that gender, NOT to the gender
to whom one is attracted. A person with the Sexual Attraction Node as
male is attracted to females. Red
indicates reversed gender node.
| Sex | Sexual Attraction | Sexual Courtship Inclinations | Description |
|---|---|---|---|
| M | M | M | Typical Male able to mate successfully. |
| M | M | F | “Male Lesbian” If shy most likely love-shy and long time virgin. Perhaps non-shys can date successfully after some trial and error. Passive. Romantic. |
| M | F | M | Masculine Gay Man “Straight acting”. Inclined towards casual sex and averse to monogamy. |
| M | F | F | “Femme” Gay Man Overly romantic. Overly feminine. Wants monogamous relationship. |
| F | F | F | Typical Female able to mate successfully. |
| F | F | M | Aggressive Female able to go after her man but has difficulty maintaining long term monogamous relationship. |
| F | M | F | “Lipstick” or “femme” Lesbian Type of lesbian to whom hetero men would be most attracted. |
| F | M | M | “Butch” Lesbian. |
I class the nodes together because there seems to
be certain "rules" or tendencies that apply to all of them:
*
Males are more susceptible to node gender reversal than females
presumed due to the greater changes required to masculinize
the brain. (All fetuses start as female.)
* A gender reversal in one node increases the chance that another
node reverses.
*
An autism spectrum disorder increases the chance of node reversal.
Also autism tends to decrease the "size" or the influence of a node.
Many people with autism are asexual presumably due to the sexual
attraction (or other?) node not developing (or the brain not connecting
with
it?).
* A reversed gender with the
Sexual Courtship Inclinations node will likely result in
psychological problems especially regarding dating and relationships
especially in men. Of course, people with Gender Identity Disorder and
homosexuals may have psychological issues surrounding being not normal
and society not accepting them, but male lesbians and femme
gays seem
to have the greatest psychological problems.
Some may argue that not all homosexual individuals neatly fit into either the masculine/butch or femme categories. Perhaps in some of these individuals their Sexual Courtship Inclinations node is reduced in size or influence. More importantly, one's personality is a result of many things especially inborn temperament, parenting and parents' examples, and community and society. Just as some individuals do not fit into typical male or female behavior, nor identify with their gender's typical behavior, each is still of either or the other gender.
The fourth node, called "Sexual Focus", relates to bisexuality. A key idea is to think of bisexuality, or more generally attraction to everyone, as the innate baseline with male sexuality narrowing the focus to only one specific gender. Instead of thinking of bisexuality as something added, rather perceive it as something curtailed by male sexuality (both hetero and homo). The male version is highly focused on one gender, and the female version is more all inclusive of both sexes.
A male with the female version of this node would be bisexual, and if this node were non-existent or non-functional in either gender bisexuality would result. A female with only the Sexual Focus node reversed would likely go unnoticed as she would still be attracted to men but may treat her children somewhat coldly. Feminine is mothering. Women need to care for babies, and children of both genders need plenty of loving touch. It's not romantic touch, but the same thing that has fathers not touch their children much I believe has heterosexual men strictly focused on women.
I label the fifth node "Gender Mediated Fashion". Generally this node relates to clothing. At first glance clothing may not seem related to sexuality, but note that when humans want to find someone to mate with they usually dress up and place special emphasis on their appearance. Throughout the animal world one can find examples of both sexes with extreme physical appearances, peacocks for example, that seem to only created to serve as attracting potential mates. Humans throughout all cultures and eons generally always wear clothes and have distinct styles for males and females. When this node reverses, the person is labeled a transvestite, someone who likes to dress in clothes of the opposite gender. It's hard not to suggest that comedienne Janeane Garofalo has the male version of this node when she comes on a televised stage worse dressed than most average men.
Some may object and claim that transvestism is a paraphilia, an attraction to inanimate objects, so it does not fit into my node typology. Transvestites normally obtain some sexual pleasure from cross-dressing. I suggest that not all people with the Gender Fashion Node reversed will develop a sexual fetish related to it. I propose that when a node gender reverses in fetal development, it greatly increased the chance that a young child will develop psycho-sexual issues regarding the node. Thus, the greater chance that someone with the Gender Fashion Node will develop a clothing fetish, and the greater chance that a heterosexual man with the female version of the Sexual Courtship Inclinations Node will become a love-shy.
The Five Nodes of Sexuality
| Node | Reversed Node Gender Causes... |
|---|---|
| Gender Identity | Gender Identity Disorder |
| Sexual Attraction | Homosexuality |
| Sexual Courtship Inclinations | Depends on gender and sexuality. See above table. |
| Sexual Focus | Bisexuality in men and less "touching warmth" in women |
| Gender Mediated Fashion | Transvestism |
While currently only a theoretical sexuality typology, this
model
has the potential for solidifying our knowledge of human sexuality.
