What Causes Love-Shyness?
Both genetics and environment contribute to love-shyness, and Dr. Gilmartin performs an excellent job analyzing these causes. He concludes that a combination of inborn temperament, upbringing and social environment work together to create love-shyness.
Love-shyness starts with shyness and then requires some kind of serious ego deflation and poor self-esteem during childhood. Many physical or mental disabilities can induce this including cerebral palsy, Asperger's syndrome or even just being the shortest kid on the playground. When exposed to abuse or trauma, a typical child may become more outgoing and promiscuous, but a shy child will withdraw into him- or herself even more.
Often the love-shy child does not feel accepted by his or her parents, especially the opposite sex parent. Love-shyness seems to get "programmed" during the Oedipal phase, around three to six years old, when one's sexual proclivities are developing. For male love-shys, having mothers who were unusually anxious or prone to fits of anger or rage is common. These mothers present an obnoxious image of womanhood—an image that is anything but attractive and alluring.
Another important causal factor of love-shyness is not having proper same sex role models during childhood to emulate. Love-shys typically have parents who do not display romantic affection in front of their children. Thus, parents often pass on love-shyness to their children.
