Male Lesbian Syndrome
Most generally during the human mating ritual the male is the initiator, the assertive one, and the female is the passive and receptive one. While in recent decades it has become acceptable for women to more assertively pursue men, there is still the strong instinct for the woman to be the pursued. At minimum it is the man who must make the first moves and who must initiate the first romantic kiss. The problem comes when some men are passive and want, if not expect, the woman to act romantically assertive.
Dr. Gilmartin uses the term male lesbian to describe this condition of men identifying with the female trait of wanting or expecting to be seduced rather than being the one who makes the assertive romantic moves. Although many love-shys identify themselves as male lesbians, I find it confusing as the condition is not really about homosexuality or transsexuality. I labeled the condition Passive Male Syndrome, but the term male lesbian seems to have drifted in general usage, even if not accepted professionally, according to the Urban Dictionary and a Google search. Although some may like the term "submissive male", these males generally do not necessarily want to be dominated. Gilmartin claims male lesbianism to be a definitive condition that should be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, as a diagnosable condition.
Since little research has been done on this condition, it is difficult at this time to ascertain whether this male lesbianism is due to a miswiring of the male brain as a fetus or whether environmental factors cause what would be a purely psychological condition. My theory about these afflicted heterosexual males is that one part of their brains is wired as a female's, similar to how one would think one part of a homosexual man's brain is wired as a female's. Since male homosexuality appears due to some "miswiring" before birth, it seems likely that a similar cause would be at play here. Because some male homosexuals take on the role of the passive or receptive person in a relationship, one likely needs to include these men in a full investigation of passive males.
A recent study shows that a stressed pregnant mother can transfer the stress hormone cortisol to her fetus, continuing earlier work indicating that children of highly stressed expecting mothers may have slightly lower IQs and slightly altered brain function and behavior. While much more research is required, I believe a connection exists between elevated fetal cortisol levels and fetal testosterone functioning, since generally cortisol tends to decrease testosterone levels. Testosterone washes through a male fetus’s brain at a few certain key times during pregnancy and causes many changes. If not every area of the brain changes appropriately, it may develop effeminately in a few areas.
Perhaps male lesbian is the better term since so many male love-shys take the female romantic attitude towards sex, especially regarding losing their virginity. Adult virginal male love-shys act like school girls dreaming of their first time with the perfect person in the perfect situation. If love-shys could take the masculine attitude which minimizes the romantic aspect of sex, they would be much more willing and able to seek out casual sex and employ sex surrogates and prostitutes, thus being more apt to overcome their condition. I believe the combination of male courtship passivity and males with highly romantic notions regarding sex proves the existence of this syndrome.
[A]ll [the love-shys he studied] wanted to remain as males. However, all deeply envied the prerogatives of the female gender and truly believed that these prerogatives fitted their own inborn temperaments far more harmoniously than the pattern of behavioral expectations to which males are required to adhere.
[N]one of them had ever revealed any transvestite tendencies... [M]ost of them visualized themselves as a man romancing a beautiful woman. And most of them had begun doing this from a much earlier age in life than had the large majority of nonshy heterosexual men.
The vast majority of the love-shy men interviewed for this book confessed that if they ever did become fathers they would want to have girl children only—NO BOYS.
Romantic notions at an early age, only wanting female offspring and perhaps even "nice guy syndrome" are female-like traits and all possible symptoms of this male lesbianism.
While passivity is a common feature for male love-shys, not every male love-shy technically has passive male syndrome. It seems love-shyness is a psychological condition (a type of phobia heavily influenced by genetic disposition,) while passive male syndrome is physically based similar to homosexuality. Gilmartin estimates one third of male love-shys have this condition. It is unknown how many males in general have this condition, since if one only has Passive Male Syndrome and no other conditions severely detrimental to dating, he likely may relatively easily overcome it.
I label it a physical condition to contrast it with the psychological condition of love-shyness, but, perhaps like homosexuality also, there is a psychological trigger in early childhood during the Oedipal stage. I recall when I was about four, my mother tried to get affectionate with my father, but he pushed her away seemingly saying, Not in front of the children. At least, that’s how I remember it and how this significant event seemed to program me with the idea that the woman is the romantic initiator and the male should back away.
Although there is no cure for this condition, the sufferer can work on approaching and being more assertive with women and do all the other love-shy solutions. Since women have become more assertive these days, passive men should be able to be more aggressive also. One would think that all that is needed is for an assertive female to pursue a passive male. While this may occasionally happen, it seems aggressive females can often hook up with almost any man. Also, the love-shy phobic reactions tend to prevent any relationships. Most passive males do not want a dominatrix in black leather with a whip. Instead these men just want a "normal" women who will initiate things.
I have concluded that just as gay men can be either masculine or femme and lesbians can be either femmes or butches, the male lesbianis a femme heterosexual man. I have placed the male lesbian in the overall scheme of sexuality in my essay The Five Nodes of Sexuality.
